Bobblebob the Villager
by zukone
Summary: This is a fat princess fanfiction. Bobblebob comes into existence and struggles to find his role in the castle.


**Bobblebob the Villager**

These five seconds, I contemplate the meaning of life.

I was born Bobblebob, the villager, on one sunny day in the land of Titania. I didn't get to choose my name. That's just how it was.

Nevertheless, Cogito Ergo Sum and out of thin air I popped into existence. I landed within the confines of a castle near a dome shaped station.

Servitude, the responsibility to the crown, crashed down on me as everyone busied themselves selecting their lot. They seemed to decide easily which hat to wear. I wondered why I couldn't.

I jumped from one station to the next contemplating what exactly it was that I should choose, but I couldn't bring myself to officially apprentice myself to any role. I realized that there was a greater problem, one that was holding me back: I didn't know much.

The first thing I did was to run around to get my bearings, but this was brief. Eventually, I happened upon the dungeon. Imprisoned there, in her dainty blue and white ruffled dress, was the neighboring kingdom's princess.

"I'm hungry," she said sweetly.

I left quickly and went to higher ground. I looked around the castle again and the warriors, mages, priests, rangers, and workers all jumped into action, most leaving the castle. In the distance I could see workers chopping wood and warriors charging forward. Mages, charged and waiting, along with the Archers who occupied towers and high places, delivered strategic blows staving off oncoming attacks. There were few priests, but they offered a panacea to those inflicted from battle. All of them, together, worked seamlessly. It was then that I knew I could take on any role.

But I had a different longing. My mind brought me back to the enemy princess. I just wanted to feed her.

I looked around and couldn't find a morsel. Perhaps I could find food somewhere else in the castle. I searched from the throne back down to the dungeon and I was shocked to find that in all my looking and searching there was no kitchen. How did everyone survive? It was clear then that I would have to leave, too, if I wanted to fulfill my duty.

So, that was what I did. At the castle doorway, I took a deep breath and ventured through the gates. Right there, to the left of where a worker chopped at a tree, it lay. A piece of cake topped over on its side on the ground. I didn't know how it got there, but it would be enough. I rushed over and picked it up, carrying it high above my head as I started for the castle.

The closer I got, the faster I wished my legs could carry me. Near the door there were enemy warriors who could kill me with just a whisper. I turned sharply and headed in another direction hopping to avoid all danger. I took the shortcut, a tunnel, and that landed me inside the castle again.

Hustling, I hopped down from the higher levels jumping one layer at a time instead of taking the stairs. After all, she was waiting. When I made my final jump into the dungeon, I could only stare at her. I approached her slowly and the gate around her lowered.

Afraid to get too close, I threw the cake at her. It fell on the ground and lay there pathetically. I thought she was hungry. Did she hate cake? Another villager came and threw his cake at her. She gobbled it down, her frame getting bigger after. No, that wasn't the case. Was it me? Did she hate me?

Right at that moment, the other villager picked up my piece of cake. He was going to feed her again… with _my_ cake. I looked at my hand wondering what kind of power it could have. I wondered if in that moment I could somehow take it out of his hands.

In my mind I heard it. _Square_. But I daren't do such a violent thing. We were on the same team. I shook myself out of the thought. We'd just have to work together. He tossed her the cake and she gobbled it up. He left without much ado, jumping up the stairs as he did. I guess I was making too big of a deal of it.

That was when it happened. Blue poured into the castle from every direction. I could hear the panicked call out to our red soldiers for back up. A spear wielding warrior showed up. He stood a level higher than I. In my foolishness, I pursued him. The moment I reached the higher level, He charged downward and swooped the princess up in one go.

She was gone.

My reason for being was gone. I couldn't help but feel he was laughing at me. With that thought in mind, I ran after them delighted to know that I was faster.

As I chased him down, I heard her, on more than one occasion, call him her hero. That aggravated me. When I got close enough, I crossed their path. Becoming one with the square, I slapped the princess out of his hands. Quickly, I reached out to grab her and started the short journey back to the castle. I dodged oncoming attacks along they way—hopping this way and that. Red warriors passing me made me feel a sense of relief. Now I would only have to wrangle her kicking and tolerate her screaming.

"Let me go," she shouted. It was bratty, yes, but I couldn't help but think it was adorable. Did she really hate me that much?

I headed straight for the doors.

In the castle, surrounded by red, I knew I would make it. I trekked up the stairs and hopped down into the prison where I released her. She had lost some weight and she'd need more cake. I hopped up the stairs on my way.

That is when I saw him. The warrior from before, now on his last legs, had snuck in and was waiting for me with a charged spear. He killed me.

It is in these five seconds that I think.

I will be a warrior, I will be an archer, I will be a priest, a mage, a worker, or even a villager. I will be whatever it takes. I will take on any role if it means she will stay with us.

3, 2, 1, 0


End file.
